Annabelle's memorial service...

 As I write these, what seem to be, daily blog posts of our Annabelle, I know sooner or later it might start to seem to many of you that it's all I write about.  The thing about writing about these different things is, its a part of the grieving process for me. Since I didn't get to be her mother that long here on this earth, writing about her life, and all that was involved, helps me feel like it's something I can do to remember her, to make for sure people don't forget about her. My prayer and I ask those of you praying for us to pray this also, that God would use Annabelle's life and death in a MIGHTY, mighty way for His kingdom, for His glory. I know He will bring good from her life and that He sent her to us for a purpose and I pray that in the near and far future, God would use Annabelle's life and story to bring people to Him, to touch hearts, change lives and even for some to come to know Him as Savior through Annabelle's life. I pray He will help us carry on her name when everyone else forgets and that for years to come, her story will spread and more and more people will be forever changed by her story.

We decided to keep Annabelle's memorial service to just close family & friends and our church family because, well it was just so hard for us to even go through it so that was our decision. We were overwhelmed by the love and support by those of you who showed up or told us you wanted to. We cannot imagine what it would have looked like if we opened it up to everyone. The support was just amazing, we are TRULY, may I repeat that, truly blessed with TRUE friends and family that love us and support us even through the deepest darkness times of our life.

Friends & family gathering in close around the tent as the service starts.

Of course I wish I never even had to go to our daughter's memorial service. I wish I were home instead decorating her nursery and putting her bedding, we had just bought her, on her new crib. Yet, here we were driving to our daughter's service. We prayed before leaving the house and then got in our car to drive the dreaded drive to her service. On the way there, just thinking about what we were going to have to do overwhelmed me and I lost it in the car, we both did. It's a feeling I wish upon no one. As we got closer to the cemetery we could already see all the cars and everyone standing around and I just couldn't bare looking at people at the moment so I just turned my head to the side and closed my eyes, just trying to breathe. Jim pulled up as close as he could get and as soon as he got out to come around and get me, I fell apart. I did not think I would be able to get out of the car, I saw the tent and chairs set up with her precious little casket and It hurt me more than I could ever express to see my baby girl in there and know that we were going through this and that she wasn't still moving around in my belly. If only I could do something, anything to go back and change things so she could still be in my belly. Yet, that was not the case, so Jim opened the door and helped me out and I practically fell into his arms and he held me tight as I bawled.

God gave me strength to then walk hand in hand with my husband to the tent area and sit in our seats right in front of our baby girl. I wanted to see her so badly, I even asked the funeral director if they had sealed it yet. I know that may sound crazy to you all, but as a mother who doesn't get to feel her baby move in her belly anymore and a mother who just held her precious baby days ago only to have to give her up knowing she wouldn't see her again until heaven, I just wanted to see her one more time but I knew it before I even asked, it wouldn't be able to happen, not this side of heaven anyway.

The service started and for what kind of service it was, it was beautiful. God truly gave us the best weather. It was sunny but just the right amount of sun, it was perfect temperature and there was a soft breeze. You could hear birds chirping in the air and we were in the country and all was peaceful and still. We could not have asked for a better atmosphere and weather for this service.  We didn't see them because at the time it was hard for us to even look up most of the time but so many people told us of this beautiful hummingbird who flew by pastor joe and then over to Annabelle's memorial board and then flew off. What a beautiful gift from our Creator. Our dear pastor who is also our friend, did the service for us. We wanted the song "I will carry you" by Selah sung but I know I wouldn't be able to literally get through the first word so I had a dear friend who I sing with at church sing it for us. I will post the video at the end for all to hear. It fit our story perfectly and I thank God for that song.

 

 Andrea singing "I will carry you"

We had a beautiful memorial board made up so that after people hugged us they could walk by and see our precious Annabelle and all the keepsakes we had of her. We had pastor Joe read another song written by Steven Curtis Chapman called "With Hope". It fit what we were feeling perfectly also. We had him read Psalm 139. He did a wonderful job doing the service and we could not have asked for a better service for our Annabelle, it was exactly how we wanted it.

 It was hard to see her in that little casket even with the beautiful little flowers all around it but I knew in my heart she wasn't there. Of course the mother in me will always go to her grave and weep for her and miss her because her precious body, her tiny little fingers and toes and her beautiful face is what I know, is what I held and is what I will miss. I will miss getting to braid her hair, to paint her toenails one day, to watch her play with her big brother, to have her give me big sloppy wet kisses. I will miss that, so her grave is the only tangible thing I have until I get to see her face again one day in heaven. I am so thankful her soul isn't here though, that Annabelle is with Jesus, her Savior. Safe in His arms. I may not know exactly how it is there right now and what she is doing but I know two things FOR SURE...she is safe, at home with her Savior and we will see her again.

 

 My dad hugging my niece Sarah

Friends & family hugging us after the service

Thank God for sisters. My dear sister and best friend.

We wanted to share this with you all, for those of you who could not be there with us, thank you for praying for us during that day though and all these days since. Even though we are walking through the hardest times of our lives, we have never felt such love from our family and friends. Thank you. To leave you with a little happier note, our dear friends who took these pictures also took care of our precious little boy, Isaac. Here are a few pictures of him from the service...