Today is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness day as well as October being the official month of it also. I wanted to take this post and write about some thoughts I've had lately about our four we lost and just use this time to remember them. If anyone reading this has gone through this and would like more information about this day please feel free to go to http://www.october15th.com
The other day I was driving to Columbus to visit my parents and Isaac and I were going to spend the night so that the next morning my mom, Isaac and I could travel to Cincinnati for Isaac's adoption photo session. Well, as I was driving I looked back at Isaac sleeping so beautifully in his car seat and for the first time since bringing him home, I looked back throughout the whole car and wondered what it would have been like if we didn't lose our four babies and the car would be packed with FIVE beautiful blessings? I started to smile as I imagined 4 1/2 year old Jeremiah being the oldest one and the other four sitting in their car seats either sleeping or talking to each other and then I started to tear up because I realized how awesome that would be and how I miss the four of them SO much even though I have never seen their face yet. I've seen a few of them on ultrasound and that was such a blessing though. I really miss them, I think I miss them so much because I truly know and believe that they were here and alive even if only for a short time and I thank God so much that even if it was a short time that I was blessed to carry them in my womb, I am so grateful for that time. I think I miss them because I want to introduce them to their brother Isaac and now that I have a beautiful son, I can only imagine what they would look like or how they would act with Isaac and how it would be to have them all here together. I SOOO look forward to the day in heaven when we get to meet them face to face after meeting our Savior first and when I can watch our precious Isaac meet his brothers & sisters on that day!
Then I thought about something else...yes it would have been great to have a almost 5 year old, almost 4 year old and a 3 and 2 year old along with our 3 1/2 month old Isaac BUT then I realized that if we would have had them we might not have Isaac and well...I just cannot imagine this world without precious Isaac or our family or my heart without knowing or loving my beautiful baby boy. So as I thought about that in the car, I looked back at my baby boy sitting in his seat and I thanked God for him because he was so worth the wait and the pain that we went through. I have no words great enough to explain how Isaac means to Jim and I and how much we love him and definitely no words great enough to thank our God for precious little Isaac!
Through our journey I cannot even begin to tell you the countless people God has brought to me and used me to comfort them and help them through their loss, since I had gone through it too and knew how they felt and I thank God for using me like that!
So on this day let's remember all the little ones whether they lived for a day in the womb or even came out and breathed for awhile before going to be with their Savior. Let's remember them and remember all the families that have lost them and pray for them today as I know it will be a hard day for so many wonderful people that will be remembering their precious little ones!
I love you Jeremiah, I love you Peace, I love Hope and I love you Sky and daddy and I WILL see you again one day and we look forward to introducing you to your precious baby brother Isaac! A little piece of my heart will always be missing until I see you four and we can spend eternity worshiping our Savior together!
The other day I was driving to Columbus to visit my parents and Isaac and I were going to spend the night so that the next morning my mom, Isaac and I could travel to Cincinnati for Isaac's adoption photo session. Well, as I was driving I looked back at Isaac sleeping so beautifully in his car seat and for the first time since bringing him home, I looked back throughout the whole car and wondered what it would have been like if we didn't lose our four babies and the car would be packed with FIVE beautiful blessings? I started to smile as I imagined 4 1/2 year old Jeremiah being the oldest one and the other four sitting in their car seats either sleeping or talking to each other and then I started to tear up because I realized how awesome that would be and how I miss the four of them SO much even though I have never seen their face yet. I've seen a few of them on ultrasound and that was such a blessing though. I really miss them, I think I miss them so much because I truly know and believe that they were here and alive even if only for a short time and I thank God so much that even if it was a short time that I was blessed to carry them in my womb, I am so grateful for that time. I think I miss them because I want to introduce them to their brother Isaac and now that I have a beautiful son, I can only imagine what they would look like or how they would act with Isaac and how it would be to have them all here together. I SOOO look forward to the day in heaven when we get to meet them face to face after meeting our Savior first and when I can watch our precious Isaac meet his brothers & sisters on that day!
Then I thought about something else...yes it would have been great to have a almost 5 year old, almost 4 year old and a 3 and 2 year old along with our 3 1/2 month old Isaac BUT then I realized that if we would have had them we might not have Isaac and well...I just cannot imagine this world without precious Isaac or our family or my heart without knowing or loving my beautiful baby boy. So as I thought about that in the car, I looked back at my baby boy sitting in his seat and I thanked God for him because he was so worth the wait and the pain that we went through. I have no words great enough to explain how Isaac means to Jim and I and how much we love him and definitely no words great enough to thank our God for precious little Isaac!
Through our journey I cannot even begin to tell you the countless people God has brought to me and used me to comfort them and help them through their loss, since I had gone through it too and knew how they felt and I thank God for using me like that!
So on this day let's remember all the little ones whether they lived for a day in the womb or even came out and breathed for awhile before going to be with their Savior. Let's remember them and remember all the families that have lost them and pray for them today as I know it will be a hard day for so many wonderful people that will be remembering their precious little ones!
I love you Jeremiah, I love you Peace, I love Hope and I love you Sky and daddy and I WILL see you again one day and we look forward to introducing you to your precious baby brother Isaac! A little piece of my heart will always be missing until I see you four and we can spend eternity worshiping our Savior together!
Jeremiah ~ our first ~ went to be with Jesus in October of 2005.
Peace ~ our second ~ went home to Jesus Christmas eve of 2006
Hope ~ our third ~ went home to Jesus on Easter Sunday of 2007.
Sky~ our fourth ~ went home to Jesus in October of 2007.
These are pictures that someone took for us on a beach and carved each child's name out in the sand to remember them...
If anyone out there is hurting or going through healing of a loss and would like to talk to someone who has gone through it also, I am here for you. Please email me anytime aprilcstarkey@gmail.com with any questions or concerns or if you just need to vent. I have MANY resources, books and verses God has used to help me through my time that I would love to share with you also!
In His grip,
Sky~ our fourth ~ went home to Jesus in October of 2007.
These are pictures that someone took for us on a beach and carved each child's name out in the sand to remember them...
In His grip,
Beautiful April <3 Remembering our little angels today!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post. I lost a little one in October of last year. I was blessed with a beautiful girl shortly after. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post. I lost a little one in October of last year. I was blessed with a beautiful girl shortly after. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful April <3 Remembering our little angels today!
ReplyDelete