Until I see them face to face...

I am reading a book called “Adopted for life” by Russell Moore.

As I was reading it, I came to a certain part where the writer was sharing with us the time that he and his wife first became pregnant and went in for their first ultrasound! They were so excited, only to find out she miscarried. They went on to have two more miscarriages after that. Jim asked me at that point if I was ok because I was sitting beside him as I read it and I was sniffing and wiping tears!

I told him what I just read and was telling Jim how I think talking or thinking about the time we saw Jeremiah’s heart beating on the ultrasound is one of the hardest things to do and almost always brings tears. I think because we were so hopeful, saw life beating, heard that after you see the heartbeat miscarriage rates drop drastically. When the next time we had the ultrasound that was when we got the devastating, life changing news that the heart was not beating anymore. I told Jim, I’m not mad nor was I ever. I’m not still wondering why this happened and I’m not sad anymore about the actual miscarriage or the other 3 we went on to have. I know that God works all things together for our good. God has helped heal us and allowed us to move on and focus on what His plans are for our lives. I know that Jeremiah is in the best place he could be and that we will see him one day. I think its just that a piece of my heart, a longing to see our four children will always be with me until the day I see them face to face right after first seeing our Savior!

So I’m not sad anymore about the fact that I miscarried them. I know it happened, I know God has plans for our lives and that I will see them one day! I think its just that until the day I see them and hug them for the first time, my heart will always be yearning for that moment. Just like my heart yearns for the first time I see my Savior face to face. I won’t be completely at peace or content, as this world is not my home, until I am in eternity with my Savior and see the one who rescued me and adopted me into His family!

Whatever children God gives Jim and I, whether they all be adopted or some adopted, some natural, going through this journey has taught and showed me one thing…its that no matter where our children come from, they are not our own, they are God’s! If we are then entrusted by God to raise these children, my prayer is that each and every day God will help me to give love, show love and most of all in all I say to the children and with all my actions, may I show them Christ’s love and how much He means to me!

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.” ~ C.S. Lewis

Love to all,