On this Mother's day weekend!

This is the third time I have started writing this entry.  For some reason, I cannot get whats in my heart to come out in words!  This year marks the 5th year of going through Mother's day with our four children in heaven.  Each year has gotten a little better and by the grace of God, He has helped us get through these times by focusing on our mothers and what they mean to us.  Of course its always in the back of our minds and sometime throughout the day Jim and I will talk about it and imagine how it would have been if our little ones were still around.  Yet, we know this is God's plan for us and that we will see them again one day and that day will make up for all the Mother's days and the days we lost here on this earth!   In God's BIG picture and eternal plans, that we cannot see or even imagine, we live on this earth for but a second in comparison to eternity.  This earth is not our home and so I love the verse in 2 Corinthians where it tells us to fix our eyes on what is unseen because what is seen is temporal, oh so temporal my friends, but what is unseen is ETERNAL! 

You may be in a season in your life here on earth where you are struggling with infertility or miscarriages, you might be where Jim and I was just a year ago.  Your heart is probably aching so badly to become a mother and days like Mother's day just make it even harder.  You may be wondering when is it ever going to be your chance or why is this happening to you?  I have so many wonderful friends I have met online throughout the past few years that are still going through this season.  They are still trying and still waiting and I want so badly to wrap my arms around them and give them a big hug during this Mother's day!  We have a heavenly Father who knows what we feel and what we are about to say before we even think or say it! Psalm 139  That's how amazing He is!  He knew you and watched you as you were being formed in your Mother's womb!  He KNOWS the plans He has for you and He works ALL things together for good to those who love Him and who are called according to HIS purpose!  So if your struggling this mother's day because your arms are aching...rest in your Father's arms and remember you are being held in His tight grip because He will never let you go! 

For Jim and I this Mother's day brings MUCH hope and excitement!  We will not technically be parents yet but we are OH SO CLOSE!  We will be on the waiting list any day now and sometime this summer we will most likely get the call that will change our lives!  We will be picked by a birthmother, a mother who this very weekend is probably sad or confused about what to do because she loves her child but knows she cannot provide for her child the way she needs to and so she knows she is going to have to love her child so much that she will let them go and be raised by another family.  We will get the call, we will go to the hospital and Lord willing, we will bring home our baby who will only be 3 days old when brought home!  We will get to experience what it is like to be earthly parents!  We will change the first of many thousands of diapers and we will prepare the first of many hundreds of bottles and it will be the beginning of another new season and journey that God will call us to!  We will have nights and days where all we want to do is sleep and we are so warn out and the baby just keeps crying, but in those moments I pray that God will help us to remember all the years we waited for this and that even during these hard or tiring times with the baby, that we will not take it for granted, that we will cherish every night feeding and that we will know how blessed we are!   Lord willing, next Mother's day I will be watching a little one crawl everywhere or possibly be even starting to walk and during this first year of our babies life and in the years to come, I imagine we will get just the smallest glimpse, through us parenting our child, of how God our Father loves us, provides and protects us and how He wants the best for us.

Lastly, I want to thank my mother on this Mother's day!  I truly do not have the words to thank you in the way I really want to, but I will try.  Thank you for giving me life, thank you for loving me and praying with me so many times before school, thank you for going to all my school events or things I was involved with, thank you for realizing God and our activities at church were more important than school and other things we were involved in.  Thank you for loving dad and for you and dad showing us how marriage is suppose to be.  Thank you for being such a great mom to me that all my friends confided in you and called you mom.  Thank you for staying up all night even at the hospital while I miscarried Jeremiah, thank you for letting me bawl and bawl on your shoulder the days following that.  Thank you for being loyal and faithful to dad through good times and bad.  Thank you for loving God more than anything because by doing that you were such a great example to me.  Thank you for always being my biggest fan and supporter.  You always cheered us on in everything we did.  Thank you for waking me up in the middle of the night to go out on the trampoline and watch the meteor shower.  Thank you for taking the time to be my mom, to actually be involved, to love me, to help me grow up and realize the most important thing in this life, God!  I love you mom!  I will never be able to tell you enough how much I love and APPRECIATE you!  

In His amazing grip,