Almost a year already...my heart can hardly take it

My heart can hardly take it in, that in only 3 weeks, it will be my baby girl's first birthday in heaven. Oh how I wish I were ordering her birthday supplies and making her invites and figuring out which adorable little dress I would have her wear to her party....but instead I'm figuring out how I want to spend her first birthday in heaven and what i want to do. My goal is to get her baby book done by or on her birthday and work on Annabelle's Hope & Heart's 5k Run & Walk that I am partnering with MISSING GRACE FOUNDATION on October 6th of this year. I have been waiting to write about it because there is LOTS of information to share but I am excited because the website is UP and almost finished. I just sent her story and pictures today to them for them to add to her page and then it will be ready for everyone to view. They also just sent my state director binder in the mail and the team binder example to me for all my team leaders! Then once we get all that in and done, I will get the ball rolling on getting volunteers to help me and families to sign up as team leaders! I am so pumped because this is Ohio's first Hope & Heart's run and it's in my baby girl's name AND it will go towards helping Ohio get more support for baby loss families. Even left over baskets from the run will immediately get to be brought to local hospitals and delivered by Jim and I in honor of Annabelle. Also some of MISSING GRACE FOUNDATION's head people will be coming to the run to help us, speak and such! I am so excited! What an honor to do this for my baby girl and all families who have lost a child!

One thing that is REALLY hard about working on this Hope & Heart's stuff is I had to submit her story and pictures, so of course going back through all her photos makes me ache for her in a way I will never be able to describe. Oh how my heart misses Annabelle so much. It's almost as if when I go awhile without looking at her photos, I can handle it better but once I look at the hundreds of photos we have of her, I see all her details again, all the memories/emotions/details of that day come rushing/flooding back again and I realize/remember just how REAL it was, just how GONE she is and just how MUCH I miss my baby girl. I just sit here and bawl. I have found the past few weeks have been harder as it's getting closer to her one year anniversary since we said hello and goodbye. By God's strength and grace, we will make it through this and hopefully continue to use her story and life to SHINE for Him and His glory!

Love, April