The many faces of this journey...

Starting this journey I truly had no clue what to expect. I had many emotions and I was so afraid of  failing again like I had time and time again. Something was different this time...was it just the fact that I was finally, completely ready more than ever in my life, was it the accountability and coaching of the program I was starting, or was it me relying more than ever on God to do this...I think it was all of it combined! Something clicked in me, I don't even know how to explain it. I'm sure losing Annabelle had something to do with it or at least with triggering the click. I just know that I felt different this time, more than ever before. I felt like God had orchestrated this all to happen at this time and that He led us to the Grace & Strength lifestyle to help me overcome my eating issues. I was grief eating every night because of missing Annabelle so badly. When we first started this program, we were only two months out from losing her. Everything was still so fresh. I truly believe God helped use this journey of weight loss to help in our healing process. Through it, He helped me to discover that I was using food for EVERYTHING...my reward, my comfort, when I was sad, when I was happy. Whatever I was going through, I turned to food to celebrate or to mourn instead of turning to Him. He helped me separate the two. Everyday He is helping me learn how to turn to Him for all my needs and to crave Him more than I crave food. When I have moments of grieving Annabelle, He has helped me TREMENDOUSLY through this journey to turn to Him during those times. Yes, I still grieve but He has helped me not to turn to food when I grieve anymore and instead lean in a little closer to Him and rest in Him!

I first thought this weight loss journey was about weight loss. To a point it is, I have lost a lot of weight and with it I have gained new health, lost bad health problems and feel like a totally new person BUT I believe God's main purpose in this journey is so much more.  It started with me figuring out my food issues but through those, I realized that it stemmed from something much deeper. He wants me, all of me, in ALL areas of my life. He doesn't want me to crave food or anything else more than Him. He doesn't want me to try and do everything on my own or turn to myself or something else for things, He wants me to turn to Him, look to Him, go to Him about everything and crave Him alone. Whether it's how to be the wife He has planned for me to be, or the mother...or whether it's how to take care of our home or finances or whatever it is...He is helping me realize I need to look to Him CONSTANTLY in all those areas, all the time. I'm still learning all these things and still have LOTS of growing to do...that's the whole point of our sanctification, He is not finished with me yet. I realize that if I focus on craving Him more than ANY of those things I mentioned above, including weight loss...the rest will fall into place because my eyes will be on Him, I will be craving and wanting Him only and by keeping my eyes on Him, He will help me become healthy in all those areas of my life! This is something like I said, that I am STILL working on and have a FAR ways to go but I am SO thrilled for the work He is doing in my heart. I wrote the title...many faces of this journey...so I thought it would only be fitting if I posted a picture below of a close-up of my face from the beginning of this journey through the present....this will just show the outside change in me but I am so grateful to know that with each of the new face pictures taken each month, He is doing change on the inside of me as well!

Love,